Today I welcome in the New Year with a post about courage.
This past year has been one of a kind for me. I felt as if I jumped into a tornado of adulthood. More or less it was time to deal with issues sitting on my plate for a while and pushing down on my being.
I was in a whirlwind of relationship struggle, heartache, trauma therapy, and finding myself. All while living in New York City, things seemed just a tad overwhelming.
Meanwhile I found tools, support systems, friendships, and a deep practice in my yoga.
I was able to let myself be completely emotionally vulnerable; opening myself to what was next. I found out that not only could I reach out for help during a time of depression but I was able to cultivate a deep sense of owning my struggles. I took initiative to make changes in my life. I attended talk therapy, found a psychiatrist and stopped being afraid of finding this help. I rebuilt an important friendship; one that I can say will last forever. I took a terrifying jump into 8-week group therapy program and met 3 other extraordinary women. I wasn’t always taking steps forward. I took many a few steps back, and still do; but what I learned was to stop judging myself for it. We are human and all of this is part of our journey.
In the middle of dealing with my anxieties and right after deciding to go on anti-depressants/anxiety meds I committed to a 30 day yoga challenge. This challenge was more than just yoga for me. It was pushing myself to sit with my mind and body in a hot sweaty room for 90+ minutes a day. My yoga community hosted the challenge: Sacred Brooklyn. To this day I can still say I believe the reason I moved to Brooklyn was to discover this community and the inspiring people who encompass it’s walls.
The challenge was tough, but more so because of the time commitment. I was running around in below freezing weather, trumping snow, rain, and the occasional MTA mishap between work and life; getting to class had to be the hardest part. Once I got there it was so worth it, even if I just stayed in the room only flowing half the time. I was there and I was present. I honestly didn’t think that I would be able to commit and fulfill this 30 days of yoga, but I did. I can say I spent 85% of savasana in an emotional state of tears both joy and sadness, yet each time I left the mat feeling refreshed and accomplished that I showed up. As a wise teacher of mine said and a soul that is now watching over us: “If you can, you must…. Show up for you” Thank you Chi Chi.
Sacred Brooklyn hosts a 108 Sun Salutations celebration each New Year. I celebrated both January 1st, 2014 and 2015. During reflection and whilst being led in practice by one of my closest friends I felt a light, a relief, and a realization that this is a new year. It is a new begging and so everyday should feel this way. During the 108 flows we completed on the mat yesterday and in a sweaty room of energy and musical delight we shared our gratitude’s with our peers. I couldn’t have felt more empowered to look back on my year and the year of those around me and be seriously thankful for my struggles, love, friendships’, and the courage to keep going. Cheers to 2015, I can’t wait to see what you bring.